Thanks

I'm not sure if this should become the new tradition... I posted a list of things I was thankful for this time last year. While that list really hasn't changed at the core, I'd like to take this opportunity to reflect again on why I'm such a lucky girl.

I have the best family. I have a husband who loves me no matter what... when I'm fat or thin... when I'm made up or natural... when I'm sick or well... when I'm pregnant or not... when I'm happy or sad... when I'm bitchy or sweet... when I'm next to him or when I'm far away... when I make mistakes or when I do everything right. And this man that I love, he gave me the two best lil boys... they're sweet and thoughtful... fun and energetic... well behaved and mischievous... silly and serious... loving and argumentative... pieces of me and pieces of him.

I'm thankful for being 31 years old and still having three grandparents alive. For parents that love me as much far away as they did when I still lived in Indiana. For sisters and brothers and cousins. For relatives that treat my homecomings as a reason for celebration, as if I were a celebrity.

I'm thankful for new friends and old friends... for Ria and the Rosters. For Shawna and my awesome neighbors. For my coworkers and new blogging buddies. For old blogging buddies, too. I'm grateful for facebook, though I spend too much time there, for helping me reconnect with old friends and classmates.

I'm grateful for change. For my brothers, sisters, fellow Americans that made it happen. I'm thankful for the opportunity to hope again, and to take back my country.

I'm thankful for a roof over my head and kids with full bellies.

I'm thankful for cold icky days and warm fireplaces... for movies and popcorn... for good books and good wine... for new ideas and old traditions.

I'm thankful for you. Thanks for reading and supporting me this past year. For celebrating our successes and happy times and helping me through the tough times. For giving me this outlet and being interested enough to keep coming back for more.

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you had a wonderful day!

A letter

To the person asshole who broke into our car last night:

I'm wondering why you picked our car.  It would seem you have poor taste in stereos as the one you stole last night was purchased two weeks ago for a mere $92 at Best Buy.  I seriously doubt you'll get a lot of money from it when you sell it.  Were there no cars around that had better pickin's than what you found in my car?

Or did you just not like the Obama bumper stickers on the back?  

A request for next time, should there be one.  (And I don't doubt there will be as this is the second time we've had a stereo stolen from our vehicle in the five years we've lived in Colorado.)  Do you think you could please break the window on the side of the car that doesn't have a car seat in it?  Because really, it's not easy to get all those tiny shards of glass vacuumed up... and my five year old does not deserve to have his back cut up. 

The badge and key cards that you stole enabled my husband to get into a secure government facility.  They are meaningless to you, as you will not have any way of knowing where that facility is, nor would a thief like you ever qualify for the top secret security clearance that it takes to get into such a building.   But replacing that will be a huge hassle for him... taking up time that he could be working.  And his work?  Helping protect Americans (like you) from missiles that might be aimed at us from hostile countries.   Sorta shot yourself in the foot with that one.

I must say... you are quite ballsy.  To walk up to a car in the middle of a well lit and busy parking lot and shatter the glass in it... take the time to rifle through our belongings... and remove the stereo, XM radio receiver, and my husbands murse (man~purse)... when anyone could have interrupted you.  I'm just glad I didn't see you doing it.  I wonder if you had a gun on you, just in case I did?

Thanks for leaving the garage door opener and house keys alone.  I was able to get a few hours of sleep last night, despite how traumatic I found the whole situation, because I knew you didn't have access to our home.  It was very considerate of you to give me that peace of mind at least.

I have a feeling you aren't the sharpest tool in the shed, though.  You see, the XM receiver that you took had a remote control with it that you left behind for some reason.  It's useless to us now, of course, and you'll find it more difficult to pawn the receiver without it, I'd think.

I hope it was worth it to you.  And one day, when you're an adult with a family and some punk ass kid does this to you, I hope you remember this.  

Sincerely,

Amy

P.S.  I find it very ironic that there were no police officers patrolling the parking lot where you had your fun, yet on the way home I passed three cops clocking people.  Why would they target mostly law abiding citizens like me... who have never even considered breaking into someone's vehicle and destroying property, when there are people like you wreaking havoc on the town?

Tyler's Delima

Each morning, Shawn and I pack a lunch for the boys.  They have a very short period of time to eat lunch and if we pack too much food for them, they don't have time to eat it all.  So it's become a challenge to include a healthy, well balanced meal that is easy to eat quickly and also satisfying to taste buds.

Fruit is easy ~ grapes, raisins and blueberries offer a variety of nutrients and are something they eat pretty fast because they love them.  Vegetables, however, present more of a challenge.  They both like carrots, and that's been what we've mostly included in lunches.  I've tried sugar snap peas fresh from the farmer's market, but they didn't care for the taste.  I've tried celery, too, but that was definitely not a hit (even with peanut butter on it ~ yum!).  Over the weekend we went grocery shopping together and the kids suggested giving broccoli a shot.  We got some and I sent it to school with them today.

After school, I asked Tyler if he enjoyed having something other than carrots for his lunch vegetable.  He did enjoy the variety but had a problem.  "All afternoon" he said, "I kept burping broccoli burps!"  

And so, our search continues. 

A Glimpse

After a late night out with the girls while Shawn played with his new toy, this morning has begun quite liesurely. Shawn and I stayed in bed until after 8am ~ him dozing while I finished a book. The boys were not so quietly shooting each other with Nerf guns.

They disagreed on what they wanted for breakfast, which is usual as they are truly polar opposites ~ Gavin wanted pancakes and Tyler wanted chocolate chip waffles. We compromised with chocolate chip pancakes ~ everyone was happy!

It looks to be a relaxing weekend with little on the agenda besides fixing a tired that connected with a nail and perhaps dinner out.

I imagine much of the rest of the day will look like this, with me still trying to catch up on magazines...

For some reason, Gavin playing WiiFit just cracks me up... Hope you enjoy!

Brothers

Last year my mom gave us a book that was filled with ideas for Family Fun Night. When we first got it we used some of the ideas in it and successfully had a weekly FFN for awhile. Then, like everything else, FFN got forgotten when life got busy. We had good intentions and would talk about doing it but then just never did.

This week Shawn and I had a talk about distractions taking our time away from our family and bonding time. We talked about how much fun we have together and that we need to remember to enjoy that time rather than squander it away doing homework and working out and watching movies and us all spending time doing other things in separate rooms. After our conversation, Shawn added Family Fun Night to the calendar ~ no more excuses!

We didn't tell the boys that we were dedicating Tuesday nights to FFN until that day. As dinner was finishing up, Tyler asked me if he could go play the DS (Shawn's handheld video game thingamabob if you don't know). I told him that no, tonight was Family Fun Night. Instead of the excitement I'd expected because they had loved the FFN's we'd done in the past, he started grumbling because he'd wanted to play video games instead. I was disappointed in his reaction and I let him know about it. I gave him a little bit of a guilt trip, as moms are wont to do sometimes... And, well, it worked. He walked away, dejected, feeling badly about wanting to choose a video game over time with the family ~ which was my intended result.

As I finished the dishes from dinner, I could hear the boys talking in the living room. Gavin was asking Tyler what was wrong because he was pouting.

Tyler: "I just feel stupid"
Gavin: "You're not stupid, Tyler"
Tyler: "But I feel stupid because I didn't want to play a game for Family Fun Night"
Gavin: "Just because you feel something doesn't mean you are"

He made Tyler feel better and we went on to enjoy our evening. Especially Gavin, because he won the game we were playing ... and boy does that child love to win.

I love watching these boys grow up. I love the mostly positive ways they interact with each other. Sure, they fight, just like every other pair of siblings. But they love, too. Mostly they love. They'd be lost without each other. I think they'd be more devastated by a loss of a brother than a loss of a parent.

A part of me is jealous of their relationship ~ both because they share a closeness that I do not share with them and because I didn't experience this with my siblings. I loved my brother and sister but we just weren't close in this way.

Mostly, though, I am just glad they have each other.

A New Day

Have you seen this video yet?  I saw it on Oprah last week... click on over ~ I think you might like it.

*****

I'm feeling brand new.  Now just because of the election ~ you know how I feel about all that.  I'm ready to make some big changes in my body now.  It's been six weeks since these handsome lil guys were born.  I spent the better part of nine months on the couch growing them, eating what I wanted and getting next to no exercise.  I have the thighs and butt to show it.

Now that my incision has healed, I am starting a new quest to get healthy again.  After the first surrogacy that I did, I completed a 61 pound weight loss, going from a size 18 to a size 8.  Once being thin and healthy (you should have seen my biceps!), it's extremely difficult to accept myself as a 14, where I am now.  I am still up 25 pounds from where I was before I got pregnant.  I don't want to get stuck in a cycle where I eat because I feel insecure and then feel insecure because I ate and got fatter.  And so, rather than getting stuck there, I'm going to do something about it.

I am lucky enough to have a wonderful husband that loved me and professed to be attracted to me even at my heaviest.  Unfortunately, I can't see myself through the eyes that he somehow sees me.  I criticize every bulge and wobbly bit.   Though I love the person that I am inside, it's difficult for me to love the whole package when I don't like what I see in the mirror.  I know beauty is fleeting and only skin deep but I still want to feel attractive.  I think we all do.

With the holidays coming up, this won't be easy.  We're planning on doing volunteer work in lieu of a big Thanksgiving Day dinner, since we have no family in town anymore, and it's just not fun to cook all that food for four people ~ we think it'll be much more fulfilling to find a way to give back instead.  But Christmas is dangerous ~ chocolates and good food all around... It's going to take a large amount of self control on my part.  I've made it through Halloween so far and have not taken a single piece of the boys' chocolate.  This is just not like me, people.  If I can do that I can make it through the next two holidays.

I am reducing my food intake and upping my activity level.  That's what worked before and I'm confident it will work again.  I'm going to be at the gym or walking around on the trails in our neighborhood if it isn't too cold at least 3 to 4 times a week.  I started last week and already my energy level is rising, which feels really great.  And though I really hate to work out.... hate it... when I'm walking around a lake looking up at snow capped mountains and listening to Death Cab for Cutie on my iPod, I feel like I'm on my way to feeling good about my body again.   And when I'm done, on that endorphin high, I feel like I've done something positive for myself for the day.

In a few weeks, I'll hopefully be back to my size 8's that are waiting patiently in the closet for me.

The Aftermath

It seems strange to me that the election is over. I was anxious for the day when we'd know what our future held. I was also anxious for an end to the negative campaign ads. Most of all, I was anxious for an end to the constant debating, discussing and defending I did.

I'm the black sheep in my family. There are only a couple cousins that are liberal (or at least voted for the Democrat) but the majority of my family is conservative. Hard core, even. I'm also the only one that rejected the religion that everyone else has a pretty strong faith in. Or at least I'm the only one who talks about it.

The last couple weeks for me has been stressful for many reasons, the biggest of them being the drama surrounding the election. I felt there was a lot riding on it and Shawn and I have been pretty involved for a long time. We've been paying attention and it's consumed a great portion of our conversations.

I couldn't be happier with the results, as you might imagine. But almost immediately afterward my celebrating came to an end. Because while I was celebrating, many people that I know and love were grieving... just as I was 8 years ago. And in the past couple weeks, I've heard things like:

"A Christian can't vote for Obama"
"If Obama gets elected, the moral fiber of our country will change"
"I hope you know what you voted for"
"Obama is a socialist"
"Why should I work hard so my tax money will go to pay for welfare for a whore with 7 kids?"
"Obama will make our country lazy"

I've found such comments extremely offensive and have been struggling within myself to figure out how I can be related to the people who are saying these things. You see, I believe in our new president. I find him inspirational and of high moral value and good character. I've watched him, studied him, read about him. I feel I'm an intelligent person and very capable, with the knowledge I've gleaned, in my decision making ability.

I've become disheartened and unable to celebrate like I wanted to. I thought this man would unify us but the far right wing people in my family seem to be determined not to let him.

*****

Today, though, things seem a little better... at least with one member of my family. It seems she's decided that God had a reason for letting Obama get elected and rather than bitch and moan about what happened, she should put her faith in him and pray for our President Elect Obama. She even sent an email out to the people who have continued to send negative emails about Obama, discussing her new attitude and encouraging others to join in prayer for him rather than demeaning him.

While I'm happy to see her give him a chance, I am skeptical about how long it will last.

Regardless, I'm still more optimistic than ever about our future. I salute my fellow Americans for making what I believe was the right choice. And I salute those who will accept our new leader even if he wasn't their first choice.

I think it's time we all come together and start working for our future... finding a way out of the mess our country is currently in... supporting each other and our new President and moving forward.

Yes, we can.

Yes We Can!

I'm feeling hopeful today... cautiously optimistic... for the future of my children, my family, my country.

And waiting as patiently as I can...

I hope you voted today (even if you don't support "that one")!

Differences

A belated Halloween to you! Here are the obligatory pictures of my little goblins...

Gavin as Darth Vader

Tyler as a skeleton (we had to replace the mask, which is why it doesn't match well)

I'm always amazed at the differences between my boys. They came from the exact same gene pool, are raised very much the same way, but in many ways could not be more opposite. I love this about them because it keeps us on our toes and I enjoy their quirks.

Such as the one below. When we got home from trick~or~treating the other night, Gavin dumped his whole bag of candy on the floor to see his loot.

Tyler, on the other hand, started sorting it and arranging it by different types ~ putting all the Skittles together and all the Kit Kats together, etc.

Think we might have a touch of OCD on our hands?

Hope you had a Happy Halloween!