Conversation with Gavin

At night we read books with the boys before they go to bed... We've read several Shel Silverstein books of poetry and now we're working on Aesop's Fables. Shawn was reading "The Ass and the Grasshoppers" and this conversation ensued:

Shawn: "Do you know what "ass" means?"

Gavin: "no"

Shawn: "It's another word for donkey."

Gavin, very matter of factly: "You should just call it a donkey, then."

Thanks, Gavin, for always tellin' it like it is!

Fall Fun!

As I type this, the smell of roasting pumpkin seeds is drifting up the stairs. Fall is my favorite season ~ the colors, the smells, the sounds, I love it all! This weekend we enjoyed perfect weather for all the work we had to do, clearing the dead stuff out of the garden, mowing the grass for the last time and cleaning out the garage so that we can *gasp* fit vehicles in it.

We also snuck out of the house for a bit to get Shawn's Halloween costume and tour a local candy factory. We thought it'd be a fun learning experience for the boys and took the opportunity to purchase some local candy for trick~or~treaters.

We had leaves to rake, so the boys got to enjoy some leave jumping, now that Gavin's cottonwood tree is big enough to give us enough leaves for a modest pile.

The boys had a blast...

Next it was time for our annual pumpkin carving extravaganza...

Here the boys are drawing the faces...

Concentrating super hard to draw the perfect jack o' lantern...

Gavin can not concentrate on anything without sticking his tongue out!

Here are the finished creations ~ Gavin's is "domo" and Tyler has a traditional jack o' lantern face.

Shawn's is a little scary ~ it seems he has holes in his head and the worms have taken over his brain!

I had to offset the creepy with a sweet happy face pumpkin.

Hope you had an awesome weekend!

I am a real American

Inspired by Jen, another real American, and a woman I admire more than I can express.

Yesterday I voted, courtesy of Colorado's early voting that started this week.  It was a perfect experience ~ no long lines, friendly election judges, quick and painless.

I voted for Barack Obama.  I am proud of my vote.  

I voted for Obama because I believe the war should never have started and I think he will find a safe, effective way to end it.  I love and support my military brothers and sisters.

I voted for Obama because I believe that all Americans deserve health care and I think he will give it to all.  I hear stories on a weekly basis from friends, family and clients about their health care woes.  It is unacceptable to me that there is one uninsured person in this country that I love.

I voted for Obama because I believe that every American deserves a home that is safe and warm.  I think that he understands the importance of the "lower class" and will work to make their lives better.  I believe that will make ALL of our lives better because we are only as strong as our weakest citizen.

I voted for Obama because I love our earth.  I think by protecting our environment and our planet we can ensure that our species will not go extinct, while releasing us from our dependence on foreign oil and putting our people to work.

I voted for Obama because I believe our government should protect our rights, not take them away.  

I voted for Obama because I believe we are better than this... the bickering and name calling that I've witnessed lately... the scary economy... the leader that no one in the world can respect...  I believe we can be the America that we want to be, that we deserve to be.  

I voted for Obama because I believe we are all important.  Each one of us.  We are all equal and we all deserve to live the American dream.  And I believe right now we all aren't living that dream and that needs to change.

I voted for Obama because I am a real American.  I love this country.  I love my husband, my children, my parents.  I love my friends and neighbors.  I love my fellow Americans.  

Why are you a real American?

Our visit with Sarah

When I was still pregnant, I made arrangements for my mom and my cousin to come out to stay with us, back to back, to help us while I was out of commission. When my water broke a week early, my mom changed her flight (and we love Frontier, who did not charge her to do so!) to come out that day. My cousin, however, kept her flight the same. By the time she arrived, I was feeling a little more energetic and so rather than having her wait on me hand and foot, we tried to do some fun stuff.

Sarah is an artist and just graduated from Purdue as a graphic design major. One of her hobbies is calligraphy. After school one day, she decided to teach the boys how to draw Chinese characters.

They had so much fun learning and though I'm sure to a professional, their characters looked very mediocre, but to me they were excellent!

Another day we drove up to the mountains to show Sarah our favorite park to hike in.

The weather was beautiful and the colors were perfect!

The boys brought their cameras to take pictures, too.

They're getting so big and handsome!

Gavin's ready to go...

Tyler likes to pose for the camera ~ he asked me to take his picture several times!

This is the Alluvial Fan, our favorite little hike ~ and the only one I felt up to doing just 2.5 weeks post~op.

Tyler wanted to take my picture, too.

Finally, we headed back to the car. We did a little shopping while we were up in Estes Park.

We probably won't have a weekend like this again for a few months, so this will be the end of our hiking pictures for a bit! But that will give me some time to get back in shape so I can keep up with my boys!

Normal

I am anxious for life to get back to normal.  I feel a little discombobulated lately... we've had visitors in town (which I am VERY grateful for).  I'm not working and still have one more week until I am (which I am also very grateful for ~ that I can have time off and still have a job to go back to)... and being here with no routine, no schedule, is foreign to me.  Now that I'm feeling better physically, I feel lazy to be so unproductive with my time.  

Mostly, though, I want my body back.  The incision is almost healed (a slight delay due to a yeast infection on the incision ~ ewww!), but my stomach still looks slightly pregnant.  I can't fit into my old clothes yet.  And I won't be able to for some time ~ I still have a few more weeks before I can go back to the gym and attempt to get in shape again.  Being a former "fat girl" (I'd kept my 60 lb weight loss off for just over one year before I got pregnant), it's frustrating to have to buy pants in bigger sizes and to have 24 pounds to lose.  I'm no longer pumping for the twins but my breasts are still filled with milk and the engorgement is painful.  

It's been weeks since I've been able to make love to my husband... even on our anniversary we could do no more than snuggle and whisper sweet nothings.  I'm longing for him in a way that will make our reunion very pleasurable, I'm sure!

I'm trying to be patient ~ but it's not easy.  Now that the pregnancy is over, the new family is about to return home in a few days, I'm just ready to go back to normal.  

*******

I mentioned in my last post that Tyler's been getting in trouble (again).   Shawn and I spent an hour and twenty minutes in conference with Ms. F on Tuesday ~ a conference that she stayed late to have with us on a day that conferences weren't scheduled.  Our original time slot was 13 minutes and that just wasn't enough time to discuss what's been happening.

He's been making bad decisions at school ~ some talking at inappropriate times like we dealt with at the beginning of the school year, you may remember, has taken a turn for the worse.   We were concerned about labels and after a several week hiatus in phone calls from Ms. F, they started coming again.  Tyler was accused of his behavior being "like a bully's" ~ in his school, "bully" is a bad word, and a very serious accusation.  I felt like most of his behavior was pretty typical for a little boy until last Friday when he came home and said he'd gotten angry and had hit a board that they used for writing.  He neglected to tell me that the board he hit, consequently flew up and hit a child in the face.  In the face!  When Ms. F called to tell me about what had happened last week, I completely lost it.  We might be able to blame my reaction a bit on post partum hormones, but my child has never been violent before.  Ever.  Especially not in school.  

So Tuesday evening we sat down with Ms. F and Mrs K, Tyler's teacher from last year.  We discussed our son in more depth than I'd have ever expected his teachers to go into.

Tyler is a fantastic boy... He's also one of the most sensitive people I've ever met.  He's also a perfectionist... And top of all that, he's a child and he's imperfect and human.  So his bad decisions were resulting in some serious beating himself up and coming home agitated and angry.  His behavior with his frustration mounting has increasingly become worse and with the incident last week escalating to violence towards another child, I've just been at my wits' end and completely unsure how to properly parent this child.  I do think that my emotional outburst, which he unfortunately witnessed, might have been disturbing enough that he won't act out for awhile.  

We'd been unsure if his behavior at school was because of a teacher that was being harder on him than necessary... or if we'd had a major failing as parents... or if this was just normal 7 year old stuff.  It seems we've all been making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill and Tyler's been pitting us against each other a bit, playing on our sympathy.  After our discussion, I'm confident that Ms. F is a good teacher and her heart's in the right place.  We came out of the conference with some new ideas for the direction we need to go to help Tyler make better choices and understand the difference between making bad choices and being a bad kid.   I no longer think he's being labeled, nor do I think his teacher is being unfair with him.  So we both feel better about the whole situation but it was a rough few days, that's for sure.

Other good news that came out of the meeting... it seems Tyler is as bright as we always thought he was.  He is testing second highest in his class ~ second to a child who is almost an entire year older than he is.  Ms. F thinks his test results, when they come back, may indicate that he is gifted in certain areas ~ which is good because then we'll be able to get the resources we need to make sure he's challenged properly.  I think that will help with his behavior also.

Tonight is Gavin's conference.  I think it will be much less dramatic than Tyler's.   Hopefully now that we have some better insight on the situation, we can find some balance again.

Would we have this conversation if he was a girl?

Yesterday as I was typing the post for our anniversary, Tyler woke up. It wasn't yet time to get up but close enough that he wasn't going back to sleep any time soon, so I told him he could just get up and play. A few minutes later, he came up to me, turned around and pulled down his pants. The lights were off so I wasn't quite sure what was going on. Turns out, he wasn't just trying to moon me.

Tyler: "Is there a mosquito bit on my butt?"
Me: "I'm not sure ~ is there?"
Tyler: "I can't see it but it itches like crazy!" scratch, scratch
Me: "well turn on the light and I'll have a look" (!!)
....
Me: "yes, actually, it looks like you DO have a mosquito bite on your butt"
Tyler, somewhat relieved?: "I thought so ~ I can't stop scratching my butt!"
Me: "well you should try to not do that during school... you've been getting in trouble enough lately!" (more on that later...)

What a way to start the day!

Ten

Ten years ago today, I married my best friend. I've told you about what a great dad he is. I've talked about how supportive he was throughout the surrogacy.

Frankly, I'm at a loss for words this morning as I look at our relationship. How can you talk about a decade and give it justice? How do you describe a love that is deeper than you ever imagined love could be? How do you tell a story that hasn't ended yet?


I always thought what Shawn and I had... our relationship... was special. Different than what other people experienced. Better, somehow. It took some time, some hard lessons, some ups and downs, for us to grow into the type of union that I knew all along we had. But here we are, ten years later. The "us" I'd always dreamed of.

He's perfect for me. And today, like every other day, I just can't imagine making my way through this crazy life with anyone else. I can't imagine holding another hand. I can't imagine another father for my boys. I can't imagine laughing at someone else's jokes. I can't imagine snuggling on the couch watching movies with another man. I can't imagine that my body would fit like a puzzle piece next to another in bed. I can't imagine being able to find the happiness that I've found with him.

Happy Anniversary, Honey.

A good omen, perhaps?

A couple days ago, as we were finishing up some reading on the couch, my phone rang. A neighbor was calling to tell us to look out our back window at the tree that the boys planted in the spring. We did, and this is what we saw:Isn't he beautiful?? I think he's a little too big for the birdhouse that Tyler made and put there...

BabyMama said it's a good luck in Hawai'i. Perhaps it is here, too? Either way, it was pretty cool and we wanted to share.

Keeping up with the Keiki

First, a big big thank you to all who sent emails and comments ~ I can't tell you how much your support means to me and the Makua.  Truly.  

We're all doing really great!  I have been pumping milk for the Keiki and it's a wonderful excuse to spend more time with them all while they are still in Denver.  This afternoon, the Makua came by with the twins to pick up milk and they let Mom and I hold and feed the babies for a bit so we could get our Keiki fix.   It was awesome!

I'm feeling pretty good ~ taking it easy mostly, though Mom and I did venture out of the house for a bit today.  It was nice to get some fresh air... 

Now that the Keiki and the Makua are together, I won't be blogging about them too much anymore.  But never fear, the Makua have started a blog!  If you'd like to continue to follow their journey, please feel free to do so here.  Personally, I'm very excited to get to watch them grow up from afar!  I am sure they'd love for you to stop by their place and say hello.

The Story

(*this is a long one... if you want to skip the birth story and go straight to the picture of twin cuteness, just scroll down!*)

We went to bed Sunday night, expecting the delivery to be one week away.  Around 12:30am, in the confused state of dreamland, I woke up to find myself wet.  I thought I was peeing my pants and started doing Kegels like there was no tomorrow, trying to stop wetting the bed.  Quickly I realized that it wasn't pee, my water had broken and was gushing out of me.  It was everywhere ~ all over the bed, Shawn, me, the floor.  What a mess!  What a way to be woken up!  

It was too soon!  I didn't have a bag packed.  The Makua were on an airplane flying to Denver.  I couldn't reach them... but left a relatively hysterical voicemail for them.  My mom wasn't here... what were we going to do with the boys?  There was a mess everywhere!  I wasn't contracting yet but knew I would be soon.  Shawn and I'd had two hours of sleep and were so disoriented.

I called my friend and neighbor, Jess, at 1 o'clock in the morning.  She totally saved the day for us ~ she came to sleep on the couch so my boys wouldn't be alone and Shawn could accompany me to the hospital.  She also got them up and dressed, made breakfast and packed their lunch and them got them on the school bus.  After which she went to the airport to pick up my mom, who had changed her flight from Saturday to Monday to come help us out.  I am so lucky to have such a wonderful friend ~ I really don't know what we'd have done without her.

I called the doctor and we headed to the hospital.  By the time we arrived the contractions had started... I was put in an observation room and attached to monitors.  Babies looked good... but the resident on staff wasn't convinced my water was broken.  She had to use the speculum twice and do two swabs before she believed me.  Argh.  I should have suggested she go clean up the mess in my bed so she'd know for sure what had happened.  Finally, the test was positive and I was prepped for surgery.

Shawn was able to be in the operating room with me as the Makua were on a plane somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, completely oblivious to the fact that their boys were about to be brought into the world.  I wanted to wait for them but we couldn't... Because of the prior C~section, I could not go into labor without risking uterine rupture.  Shawn held me as the epidural was started.  It was cold and sterile in the OR.  I shivered and shook as he asked for warm blankets for me and rubbed my head, brushing the hair out of my face.

Baby A was transverse and Baby B was breech when the operation started.  It took about ten minutes to get Baby A, later to be named V, out.  Shawn and I cried when we heard that first cry, as we did for our own boys.  I was happy he was out and safe, but sad that his parents were not here to hear it.  Baby B, later named J, was a little more complicated.  He was still firmly lodged in my ribcage and hadn't come down in the process of water breaking and V being born.  The original incision was not enough and another incision was made.  Much tugging and pushing and muttering under breath by the two doctors trying to get him out was made... and three minutes later, he was here too.  

A chorus of baby cries .... they sounded almost like cats howling.  They were angry to be out and we all were going to hear about it.  They both peed on the nurses that were dressing them.  

Meanwhile, I was stitched up and Shawn went with the babies to watch over them until their parents could be here.  He fed and burped and comforted them while I was in recovery.  They were almost the exact same size ~ V was 6 lbs 5 oz and J was 6 lbs 4 oz.  and both around 18 inches long.   Not as big as we'd thought but 13 pounds of baby altogether!!  They were pink and healthy with a shock of black hair.  They looked nothing alike... barely even resembling brothers.  They snuggled up to each other and Shawn grabbed this photo with his cell phone:

The nurses taking care of me quickly became alarmed at the amount of blood I was losing.  Doctors were called back in.  My uterus had become "lazy" after weeks of Braxton Hicks contractions and being stretched as far as it'd ever been stretched.  It couldn't stop the bleeding... at least not in the time it was supposed to.  Other options were discussed until finally, just before a decision had to be made, it stopped.  Finally, we were taken to a room.

I had to decide whether to keep the boys with me until their parents had arrived from Hawai'i, or to send them to the nursery.  We were exhausted after no sleep and such an ordeal, but I didn't want to leave them with strangers.  So we kept them in our room with us to watch over them just a bit longer.  As soon as the Makua's airplane landed and they got my voicemail, they called.  They were on their way, stunned and excited to meet their boys.  

I hated that they hadn't been able to be there to hear and witness what Shawn and I heard and witnessed, but I was happy to have my love there with me through it all.  He was my rock and did what he could to keep me calm ... I am so grateful to have him as my partner.  He is sweet and caring and he took care of me through it all.

Seven hours after J and V came into the world, they met their parents for the first time.  Watching them become one family was everything I'd hoped and expected.  They are an absolutely beautiful family... We were all a mess of emotions and tears, all brought together by these perfect little baby boys.  

The boys are really beautiful ~ all babies are but these lil guys are so, so cute.  They already have little personalities and have already found a place in their parents' hearts.  

The first night, there were no extra hospital rooms, so we all bunked together.  The Makua were a perfect team and seemed to instinctively know how to calm and soothe their babies.  It was so beautiful to watch them interact with their lil guys ~ something I really didn't get to witness the first time around.  I feel so proud to have been a part of it all.

********

Today I was discharged and came home.  I'm pumping breastmilk for the babies for while they are in town ~ inspired by Ria who has been pumping for her surrobaby for months.  Selfishly, I think I'll enjoy being able to see them just a bit longer before they all go home to Hawai'i.  

I'm sore and tired but doing Ok.  The incision that was made for J to come out will cause a somewhat more painful recovery time.  My doctor told me I should not ever get pregnant again because of the damage to my uterus.  I didn't plan on any more pregnancies but that finality takes some adjusting to... 

I'm happy to be home, comfortable and safe with my family.  I'm happy to not be pregnant anymore and to begin this healing process.  I'm happy that I was a part of such a beautiful experience ~ it is one I will cherish for all of my days...  I'm finding myself overwhelmed and feeling so loved with all the support and sweet thoughts and words from friends and family and you... my faithful readers. :)  So thank you for being a part of this journey with me and for your positive thoughts and sticky vibes from the very beginning all the way through.  

And now... it's time to rest.