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I'm feeling brand new. Now just because of the election ~ you know how I feel about all that. I'm ready to make some big changes in my body now. It's been six weeks since these handsome lil guys were born. I spent the better part of nine months on the couch growing them, eating what I wanted and getting next to no exercise. I have the thighs and butt to show it.
Now that my incision has healed, I am starting a new quest to get healthy again. After the first surrogacy that I did, I completed a 61 pound weight loss, going from a size 18 to a size 8. Once being thin and healthy (you should have seen my biceps!), it's extremely difficult to accept myself as a 14, where I am now. I am still up 25 pounds from where I was before I got pregnant. I don't want to get stuck in a cycle where I eat because I feel insecure and then feel insecure because I ate and got fatter. And so, rather than getting stuck there, I'm going to do something about it.
I am lucky enough to have a wonderful husband that loved me and professed to be attracted to me even at my heaviest. Unfortunately, I can't see myself through the eyes that he somehow sees me. I criticize every bulge and wobbly bit. Though I love the person that I am inside, it's difficult for me to love the whole package when I don't like what I see in the mirror. I know beauty is fleeting and only skin deep but I still want to feel attractive. I think we all do.
With the holidays coming up, this won't be easy. We're planning on doing volunteer work in lieu of a big Thanksgiving Day dinner, since we have no family in town anymore, and it's just not fun to cook all that food for four people ~ we think it'll be much more fulfilling to find a way to give back instead. But Christmas is dangerous ~ chocolates and good food all around... It's going to take a large amount of self control on my part. I've made it through Halloween so far and have not taken a single piece of the boys' chocolate. This is just not like me, people. If I can do that I can make it through the next two holidays.
I am reducing my food intake and upping my activity level. That's what worked before and I'm confident it will work again. I'm going to be at the gym or walking around on the trails in our neighborhood if it isn't too cold at least 3 to 4 times a week. I started last week and already my energy level is rising, which feels really great. And though I really hate to work out.... hate it... when I'm walking around a lake looking up at snow capped mountains and listening to Death Cab for Cutie on my iPod, I feel like I'm on my way to feeling good about my body again. And when I'm done, on that endorphin high, I feel like I've done something positive for myself for the day.
In a few weeks, I'll hopefully be back to my size 8's that are waiting patiently in the closet for me.
15 comments:
Good for you!! And NO candy from Halloween? That is impressive!
Good luck on that! The walking and change in diet seem to be the key to our bodies finding their own natural shape and size.
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Good for you my friend. That sounds like an awesome plan (that I SHOULD ALSO ADOPT).
I *KNOW* you can do it!!!
I admire you! I am 5 mos out and still have 25 lbs from where I started, but 40 from what I would call my ideal. Keep blogging about your progress - I know it will inspire me and other readers, too!
xo
R
ps- I am also lucky - Brad loves the curves...but I feel terrible when I look at him like he is speaking another language when he compliments me (because, like you, I can't see myself as he does)
You are fabulous
Good luck! You'll get there. You will.
First off, fabulous video. I smiled the whole time I watched it. Ok, and I sang along a bit too.
If you have the will power to not eat any Halloween candy i think you can do anything. I fall into the weak category and I helped myself to LOTS of their candy. I had managed to drop 5 pounds but with all that candy around... I am just lucky I didn't gain it all back.
You have a sound plan in place and you'll be back to your size 8's in no time.
Wow. NO candy from treat bags? You are doing better than I!
An Ipod is what makes it all endurable for sure.
Hey, that video is pretty good!
a few WEEKS? Girlfriend, good luck, but don't get too down if it takes a wee bit longer. ;)
You mean you have an unhealthy eating/thought cycle cycle too? Ugh! You go girl. Saw Shawn at the Rec today-I'm usually out earlier-like 5:30 if you want to join me-when you're ready you can run with me-you could totally do that : )
I'm a "60 pounder" with each of my three kiddos-but was able to get it off and more each time-so you can totally do this!!
p.s. and I always ate the Halloween candy, so you're one up on me already!
You will get there!
i know you will do it. yes you will! yes you will!
that video? love it.
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