You ask, I answer

In response to my copycat post the other day, I got some great questions! So without further ado, here we go!

Amanda asked: I am really wondering about the process of carrying a baby and having little ones around for the process. How are you explaining it to the boys?

Ironicly, the only pregnancy my kids remember is the surrogacy when I had the twins. Gavin obviously doesn't remember my being pregnant with him or Tyler, and Tyler was only 22 months old when Gavin came into our family... so he doesn't remember that either. So for them, me carrying babies in my tummy for other families isn't so strange because they don't know any different.

We did talk to them about what I was about to do, before making the final decision. Not that a 4.5 or 6 year old could have changed our minds about what we felt was right for me and for our family, but we wanted to have their input and support before starting this journey. We told them that we'll need them to be big helpers ~ being careful not to throw balls or jump on my tummy, helping with the chores, etc. They agreed and were totally on board from the beginning. They're really empathetic lil guys though ~ they love to do things for other people when they can and I think they can see that this is important, even at such young ages.

They actually get really excited about the whole thing. The IP's from the first surrogacy would talk to them and play with them and send them gift cards for Christmas. They felt like, by the end of the pregnancy, that the IP's were a part of our family ~ so it was no big deal to say good bye to the twins. Even now, they are really looking forward to meeting the Makua. They want to go to Hawaii to visit them and can't wait for them to come to Denver. They've been practicing their Aloha's and Mahalo's. So cute!

Mama Geek asked: I know you blogged about it a bit before, but I'm wondering what made you decide to do surrogacy? And is there an attachment to the baby? What's THAT like?

There were definitely lots of reasons for being a surrogate. It's life changing for us and the folks we work with. Some of the bigger reasons are wanting to help other families experience what we've been able to with the joys our children have brought us. Also, it's a way for me to make a difference in the world in a way that I couldn't otherwise. It's a life experience and a way for us to connect with people we probably would have never met otherwise ~ and our lives will never be the same after knowing these guys and having these interactions!

There is an attachment to the baby but from the beginning I know it's not mine to be attached to. I have to always be conscious of this ~ I want to be attached enough to make really good decisions about my health (and thus the baby's health) while never forgetting that this baby has lovely parents to go home with, one day.

It's not as hard for me because we feel very strongly that our family is complete. Shawn is fixed and was long before I started considering being a surrogate. We knew we didn't ever want to go through the newborn phase again. That financially, a family of 4 worked best for us and for what we wanted to be able to give our kids. Sure, we'd love more, but could we responsibly provide for them in the way we could with just 2? Probably not, without the others having to sacrifice. Also, we know that adoption is always an option ~ and if we ever decided that we wanted a girl, that would be the surefire way to get what we wanted!

Chani asked: Okay.. what book are you reading right now? Do you like it?

I'm reading The Pillars of the Earth. I LOVE it!! When I first heard about it, it didn't seem like something that would be up my alley. I've never been interested in reading about life in the 1100's, nor has cathedral building ever sounded intriguing to me. But 325 pages in, I'm hooked.

Flutter asked: what do you do to relax? what brings you bliss?

Simple things, really ~ snuggling on the couch with Shawn at the end of the day, watching our shows... reading magazines or books... blogging and reading blogs... working in my garden (oh, I can not wait for spring!). When I'm feeling really extravagent, I love getting pedi's and massages. The latter doesn't happen very often, but I would definitely say it's a blissful experience.

And I know this seems like a cop out but my family brings me bliss. Spending time with three people that really get you and love you anyway... watching these little boys that are here because of us, grow and learn and love and live ~ in spite of us. It's just magnificent. Seeing the things we like about ourselves in them... seeing that they have learned a little lesson we've tried to teach them... watching them interact with each other in positive ways... yes, they are my bliss.

The dragonfly asked: What would be your dream vacation?

I have a couple, actually. I hope you don't mind if I pick two. :) First, I have a dream to take my boys to Disney World. I know that Disney is bad... the mom always dies... they steal your stuff and don't do anything about it... it's expensive... tons of paraphanelia... gift shops at the end of every ride...

But.

It's a magical place that I remember going to when I was a lil girl. I remember standing in line with fear and excitement before getting on the Peter Pan ride and wondering if Captain Hook was going to get us with his sword. I remember going up and down and around in circles on Dumbo. I remember climbing up Tom Sawyer's treehouse and I remember singing "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!" at the top of my lungs on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. I remember looking at all the kids on the Small World ride that looked different from me and wondering what country they were from. I remember swimming in the pool at our hotel and going down the water slides.

And I want that for my boys.

I can not wait to re~live it through their eyes. To watch as they gaze at the characters walking around, remembering when they saw them on their favorite movies. To hear their squeals on the "scary" rides and to try to decide which ride to go on next.

I just can't wait!

And my other one... would be kid~less. :) I'd love to go away with Shawn to an island somewhere (he'd pick Fiji) where we'd stay in a lil bungalo on the beach with some sort of tropical drink being given to us at our whim. There would be delicious food, of course, and interesting locals that wouldn't think less of us because we were tourists. There will have to be snorkeling because now we are hooked! And only minimal access to the outside world ~ because I'll still need to be able to call and tell my boys good night. We'd read books, have conversations about everything and make love. We'd only know what time of day it was by where the sun was located on the horizon.