Twins

I've been knitting all weekend. I meant to get an earlier start, but the yarn I ordered on eBay took two weeks to arrive at my house. Here, are the finished hats:
This week, a little boy and girl that used to live in my belly, are turning two. Most of you know that I'm about to get pregnant as a surrogate mom... And this isn't my first time. It's a strange position to be in, once the babies are born. I feel a connection with them because they were a part of me for nine months. Yet there is a disconnect because I have seen only pictures and heard stories from their parents. I want to give them something to celebrate their special day, but not just any old toy or trinket that will eventually be discarded. So I knitted them each a hat.

I've been asked almost every time the subject of surrogacy comes up, why I decided to become a surrogate mother. I probably couldn't even verbalize all the reasons that I felt in my heart this was the right thing for me to do.

They range from pregnancy was easy for me... to I wanted to be able to give someone else a gift like the gifts my boys have been to me. From it would help us financially... to it's one small way I can make an impact on someone other than my immediate friends and family. I'll never be a doctor, a teacher, a firefighter, or any other such profession that really makes a difference in the world. This was a way I could. Reasons like connecting with the couple I'm working with... to teaching my children about life ~ growing a child in my tummy.

Shawn and I knew soon after Gavin was born that we were done ~ that our family was complete. In fact, he wasn't even 6 months old when Shawn got "fixed"... Gavin was still a baby when I decided that surrogacy was something I should explore. We were done with our family, but my womb still had lots of life left in it.

I found a website, in my research, where you could read a sort of classified ads section where Intended Parents posted ads searching for women to carry their children. M & L stood out to me right away and I emailed them, telling them that their story had touched me and I wanted to get to know them. We exchanged emails for awhile and then decided to meet. They only lived 2 1/2 hours away and much of their family was in Denver. We got along very well right from the start and after lunch they came back to my home to meet my family. Watching L hold Gavin, then a baby, I knew that these folks needed to be parents. And I needed to help them.

A few days after their meeting, they emailed me and told me they'd like to work with me, if I felt they were a good match for me. I immediately said "yes" and we got to work... scheduling appointments, talking to attorneys, making plans.

We had a few hiccups along the way. I had a pesky little dermoid cyst pop up in one of my ovaries which had to be surgically removed. Then L's eggs were no longer viable ~ forcing us to use an egg donor to create the embryos. About 18 months after we met, we finally got to the day of the transfer. M & L picked me up at my home and drove me to the hospital that day. They were anxious and I was nervous. We didn't talk a whole lot on the 1/2 hour drive to the clinic. I met the doctor for the first time, right before he placed the two 3 day old embryos in my uterus. Before they were put in my tummy, M & L got to see them under a microscope ~ their first glimpse of their babies.

It was quick and painless and after some time with my hips elevated, they drove me back home. Now all we could do was wait. I went about my life and I'm sure M & L went about theirs as best they could. Two weeks later, it was time for a blood test. I went alone, as I had so many times for blood draws prior to the transfer, and then went about my day. That afternoon I got the phone call ~ I was "definitely" pregnant were the words I heard. My hormone levels were very high and there was no doubt. It worked! As soon as I hung up, I called M to tell him the news. We both cried ~ this day was so long coming ... mostly for them but for me also. I told him to drink a celebratory glass of wine on my behalf and he assured me they would.

I think I was about 8 weeks along when we found out that the baby I was carrying was in fact two. Two separate sacs of amniotic fluid. Two heart beats. Two babies. M & L were with me in the room and I could see them both on the ultrasound even before the nurse said the words. I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut, but tried to be patient and let M & L bask in the moment ~ seeing their healthy lil babies on the screen in front of us. I didn't think about the road ahead as I'm sure they didn't either.

The rest of the pregnancy was not uneventful. Early on we had a scare as some test results showed a possible chromosomal abnormality with baby B (the little boy, though we didn't know it at the time). We switched from the fertility clinic to an Ob/Gyn for high risk pregnancies. We started to think about what would happen if there was something wrong. Luckily, everything was Ok. The numbers balanced out eventually and we never had to experience that "what if".

About 3 months into the pregnancy, I started experiencing stomach pains worse than any pain I'd ever had before. I got what I called "attacks" after I ate anything fatty or red meat ~ hours of intense pain that I was unable to alleviate. I couldn't take medication and even vomiting did not help. More tests and ultrasounds discovered that I had gall stones. We had to decide whether or not to remove my gall bladder during pregnancy or to wait another 6 months to operate, after the twins were born. My belly was growing quickly and my food options were getting more and more limited. After much deliberation, we decided to go through with the operation. At about 16 weeks gestation, I had a laproscopic surgery to remove my gall bladder.

Things went fairly smoothly after that. The babies grew and grew while I went about my life. M & L came to Denver often ~ they attended every ultrasound and we became good friends through it all.

On January 1st I started having contractions. I was pretty sure that my labor was starting ~ about 3 weeks before my due date. Once we arrived at the hospital, however, the contractions stopped. In the end, they had to be coerced to come out, just as my own boys did.

We tried to have a vaginal birth ~ I had pushed out two nine pound babies already and there was no doubt in my mind that I could do the same again. We ended up having a scheduled induction at 39 weeks. They were clearly not coming out on their own. We had a full crowd in my room. M & L were there, of course, as well as my friend Ellen (who was there to be my doula) and my mom. Shawn was home with our boys, probably thankful to be missing the ordeal. ;) It was a strange joining of families ~ theirs and mine.

My water was broken and when things didn't progress naturally, pitocin was ordered. I labored for awhile, relatively comfortable and eventually the pain was bad enough to get an epidural. When it was time to push, however, it was quickly clear that the twins were not coming this way. They were both trying to come out at the same time and neither one could get through the birth canal with another head in the way.

I was prepped for a C~section and immediately burst into tears. I was disappointed in myself, not being able to get them out on my own. Minutes later, M & L holding my hands, S & L were out. I cried with M & L as they heard the first cries of the little treasures they had waited 13 years to meet. They were big babies ~ L, the boy, was 6 lbs and S, the girl, was 7 lbs 13 oz. They were healthy and pink with a shock of dark hair on each of them. As I was cleaned and stitched up, M & L thanked me over and over through their tears.

I was so proud to have been a part of it.

This week they turn two. I can't believe that chapter in my life was so long ago. I remember it like it was yesterday. From everything I have been able to see, through pictures, phone calls and emails, they are happy and healthy and just the perfect little family. They both have big brown eyes and dark curly black hair. Just beautiful... and loved.