Normal

I am anxious for life to get back to normal.  I feel a little discombobulated lately... we've had visitors in town (which I am VERY grateful for).  I'm not working and still have one more week until I am (which I am also very grateful for ~ that I can have time off and still have a job to go back to)... and being here with no routine, no schedule, is foreign to me.  Now that I'm feeling better physically, I feel lazy to be so unproductive with my time.  

Mostly, though, I want my body back.  The incision is almost healed (a slight delay due to a yeast infection on the incision ~ ewww!), but my stomach still looks slightly pregnant.  I can't fit into my old clothes yet.  And I won't be able to for some time ~ I still have a few more weeks before I can go back to the gym and attempt to get in shape again.  Being a former "fat girl" (I'd kept my 60 lb weight loss off for just over one year before I got pregnant), it's frustrating to have to buy pants in bigger sizes and to have 24 pounds to lose.  I'm no longer pumping for the twins but my breasts are still filled with milk and the engorgement is painful.  

It's been weeks since I've been able to make love to my husband... even on our anniversary we could do no more than snuggle and whisper sweet nothings.  I'm longing for him in a way that will make our reunion very pleasurable, I'm sure!

I'm trying to be patient ~ but it's not easy.  Now that the pregnancy is over, the new family is about to return home in a few days, I'm just ready to go back to normal.  

*******

I mentioned in my last post that Tyler's been getting in trouble (again).   Shawn and I spent an hour and twenty minutes in conference with Ms. F on Tuesday ~ a conference that she stayed late to have with us on a day that conferences weren't scheduled.  Our original time slot was 13 minutes and that just wasn't enough time to discuss what's been happening.

He's been making bad decisions at school ~ some talking at inappropriate times like we dealt with at the beginning of the school year, you may remember, has taken a turn for the worse.   We were concerned about labels and after a several week hiatus in phone calls from Ms. F, they started coming again.  Tyler was accused of his behavior being "like a bully's" ~ in his school, "bully" is a bad word, and a very serious accusation.  I felt like most of his behavior was pretty typical for a little boy until last Friday when he came home and said he'd gotten angry and had hit a board that they used for writing.  He neglected to tell me that the board he hit, consequently flew up and hit a child in the face.  In the face!  When Ms. F called to tell me about what had happened last week, I completely lost it.  We might be able to blame my reaction a bit on post partum hormones, but my child has never been violent before.  Ever.  Especially not in school.  

So Tuesday evening we sat down with Ms. F and Mrs K, Tyler's teacher from last year.  We discussed our son in more depth than I'd have ever expected his teachers to go into.

Tyler is a fantastic boy... He's also one of the most sensitive people I've ever met.  He's also a perfectionist... And top of all that, he's a child and he's imperfect and human.  So his bad decisions were resulting in some serious beating himself up and coming home agitated and angry.  His behavior with his frustration mounting has increasingly become worse and with the incident last week escalating to violence towards another child, I've just been at my wits' end and completely unsure how to properly parent this child.  I do think that my emotional outburst, which he unfortunately witnessed, might have been disturbing enough that he won't act out for awhile.  

We'd been unsure if his behavior at school was because of a teacher that was being harder on him than necessary... or if we'd had a major failing as parents... or if this was just normal 7 year old stuff.  It seems we've all been making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill and Tyler's been pitting us against each other a bit, playing on our sympathy.  After our discussion, I'm confident that Ms. F is a good teacher and her heart's in the right place.  We came out of the conference with some new ideas for the direction we need to go to help Tyler make better choices and understand the difference between making bad choices and being a bad kid.   I no longer think he's being labeled, nor do I think his teacher is being unfair with him.  So we both feel better about the whole situation but it was a rough few days, that's for sure.

Other good news that came out of the meeting... it seems Tyler is as bright as we always thought he was.  He is testing second highest in his class ~ second to a child who is almost an entire year older than he is.  Ms. F thinks his test results, when they come back, may indicate that he is gifted in certain areas ~ which is good because then we'll be able to get the resources we need to make sure he's challenged properly.  I think that will help with his behavior also.

Tonight is Gavin's conference.  I think it will be much less dramatic than Tyler's.   Hopefully now that we have some better insight on the situation, we can find some balance again.