I was really torn about Santa Claus when it came to the boys. I still remember when, in 2nd grade, I found out. I remember arguing with the classmate that was trying to tell me he wasn't real ~ after all, I had him on video (thanks, Grampy!). I remember talking to my mom and thinking what an idiot this kid was because he didn't believe in Santa! And my mom telling me that in fact it was I who was in the dark, rather than Jimmy Crews. Heh. Oops.
I felt deceived... and it's never good to be the last one to know about anything ~ especially something so important, at 7, as Santa. Remembering that, I wasn't sure I wanted to lie to the boys and have them resent that I lied to them, later. How could I teach them to be honest if I wasn't honest with them?
But Shawn convinced me it was a right of passage for an American child... that they'd be missing out if they didn't get to have the Santa experience... that it was harmless and they wouldn't hate us for lieing to them...
And so we went along with it. We didn't have to try too hard to convince them and I've even questioned occasionally to see if they still bought it. Asking them if they thought Santa was a character or real. They always have.
Well, yesterday that all changed.
At dinner, Gavin mentioned that he wished he had two Rockies hats, like Tyler did. Shawn suggested that we add it to the "list" and he could ask Santa for it for Christmas this year. Shawn keeps a list on his cell phone when we're out of things the boys want, so we know what to buy them for birthdays and if they know it's on the list, they seem less inclined to throw a fit if they don't get it right then and there.
For some reason, Shawn putting the Rockies hat on the list got the gears turning in Tyler's brain. He started to put two and two together and asked if Shawn was really Santa. I was completely taken off guard by this conversation and now can think of probably better ways to have handled it.
We didn't tell them right away ~ we talked about "clues"... like the fact that we don't have a chimney (our fireplace is gas) and we lock the doors at night. How there are probably 2 billion children in the world... and that's a lot of homes to visit in one night.
Tyler sat and tried to figure out whether it was us or Santa was real... and finally I asked him if he wanted us to tell them the truth ~ even if it wasn't "good" news. Both boys agreed that they wanted to know the truth... so we told them.
Gavin handled it Ok but I think he was disappointed... I wish we could have waited a little longer to tell him as he's only 5 and seems so young to not believe anymore. Tyler's face was a combination ~ a loss of innocence and a new sense of worldliness that I haven't seen before.
On one hand, I'm glad it was us that told them... and I'm glad they don't hate me for lying to them. But on the other hand, I wonder how magical Christmas will be now.
8 comments:
Well, I know it's a right of passage and Shawn is right about that. At the same time, I am glad you told them. Now you can teach them lessons about generosity and giving. In the long run, that will be far more meaningful than having them believe things just come out of the sky, not as a result of someone's generosity.
Just my opinion, of course. :)
~*
When my older girl found out, I was ready and explained how Santa used to be a real person a long time ago and how now we all carry on his tradition of giving. Since she was "in the know" she could help us with stocking stuffers and keeping things special for her sister. It worked like a charm and she's been great about it.
Younger girl is suspicious and probably knows, but doesn't want to end the fun. We'll talk about it this fall and see where the conversation leads.
I had the same exact thoughts you did -- I didn't want to deceive my kids. My older daughter is so sensitive and trusts slowly, I just DREAD when she finds out. I'm thinking of playing Santa down this year -- no letter to Santa, no "what will Santa get you," etc. I don't know. Christmas is STILL so magical to me because of that tradition, and I want that for them. But, hoo boy, am I not ready for a conversation like you had today.
MQ has always known there is no santa, and Christmas is still magical and fun.
this kind of made me sad!
We're keeping it going as long as we can. When I found out, my parents made me keep pretending I didn't know, because Santa only comes if you believe! LOL. So played along and it was still fun. Even though it wasn't Santa, I knew there would still be a big gift under the tree for me!
It's horrible. Not what you did, I mean that they have to learn so young and kill the magic. Last Christmas was our last with total belief. This year T knows and we're keeping his brothers in the dark as long as possible. Childhood is so fleeting and fast.
what do you mean santas not real? ha-jon teases me cause my whole family still "believes". Like someone else here said-santa only comes if you believe so we just play it that way. Whenever anyone in my family opens a santa gift they say something like, "thank you santa, where ever you are" Maybe it's cheesy but totally fun and always magical.
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