Distance

Right now, as I type, my parents are somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean.  They are on their way to Italy with my grandparents and my grandpa's sister & her hubby.   They will be arriving at midnight Indiana time and 7am Italy time.  They're going to do things that I've only heard stories and seen pictures about!  And though I'm happy for them and can't wait to hear stories of their adventures... I'm feeling melancholy about the whole thing.  

I talk to my mom just about every day.  Sometimes it's multiple times per day, depending on what's going on in our lives.  This morning we said good bye for two weeks.   Two. Weeks.  

It doesn't need to be said that my mom and I are close ~ I'm sure that's obvious just by the amount of times we talk on the phone... But really, we're more than "close".  It's almost like she's an extension of me.  With the exception of only our religious and political views (granted, those are big differences), we are almost the same person.   We think the same thoughts and speak in the same voice.  We have the same eyes and the same sense of humor.  She knows me inside and out... possibly as well as I know myself (and I like to think I'm pretty self observant).  She knows probably more than Shawn would like her to about our relationship... She knows everything I know about my boys.  

She's the type of grandma that every mother wants for their child.  She's the type that thinks everything they do and say is cute, sometimes even the things I don't see the humor in.  I call her to share their little boy~isms as they are happening.  I call her when I need to vent about things that are frustrating me in my life.  I call her when I need parenting advice.  I call her when I need marital advice.   I call her when I'm bored.  I call her to catch up on what's going on back home.

The distance of roughly 1,000 miles has done more to strengthen our relationship because of the measures it takes to remain close in spirit.  Our time together, though infrequent, is a large chunk of quality time.  We do the best we can with what we have.  

So this widening gap between us today is bothering me ~ more than I thought it would.  I miss her already and though I know her chances of surviving the trip are very good, I worry as I always do when we say goodbye, that I won't see her again.  But I will... and soon.  In fact, we will get to spend Mother's Day together this year ~ the first time since Gavin was born that this will be the case.  First, I have to survive these next two weeks.

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We found out this week that my brother, who at the ripe young age of 27 had a small stroke ~ due to a rare blood clotting disorder, likely has Lupus.

Now I haven't done a lot of research about this... but I do have a girlfriend who has been diagnosed with the same thing, as well as her mother.  I know it can be life threatening.  And I know it mostly affects women.

I don't believe this has been confirmed by his rheumatologist yet, but it's scary as hell for us and I can only imagine how my brother's feeling right now.  I haven't been able to reach him so far, and I'm not sure he's ready to deal with me ~ with my questions, my concerns, my sisterly advice.   

Please keep him and his family in your thoughts for me.  

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I've got some upcoming changes at work to look forward to.  My boss has been stressing out a bit about finances and with summer looming ahead I have been stressing about balancing work and time with my kids.  The cost of day care for two boys instead of just one is going to leave me with about $400 per month.  

I'm having a hard time stomaching sending my boys to day care all summer for $400.  I remember summers spent having fun as my stay~at~home mother carted us around town in the family car, catering to all of our whims.   I didn't spend a day in a day care in my entire life.  Though during the year it's easy to justify the cost of pre~school for one child when income seems to matter, this is a whole other story.

When I started doing some figuring about cutting back my hours to 3 days a week instead of 4.5, it turns out that I'll bring home about the same amount because I'd be paying less for day care.  It seemed like a win~win situation for my boss, trying to cut expenses and me, trying to spend more quality time with my boys while they are young enough to enjoy and desire time with their mom.  

So, starting in June, I will be spending Tuesdays and Thursdays with my favorite little people... we'll be swimming, having picnics in the park, going to the library, frequenting museums, playing with our friends and relaxing.  

I really do believe I am a part time girl.  I have not yet mastered the skills of being able to squeeze in a week's worth of laundry, checkbook balancing, house cleaning and errand running while still enjoying time with my family, time for myself (what's that?) and time just regrouping and getting ready for the upcoming week.  

I'm feeling very excited about this summer now, instead of the dread I was feeling a few days ago.   And I'm thinking this 3 day a week schedule is something I'm going to do my darndest to keep up, even after the lazy days of August have come and gone.

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On the baby front... Today marks 15 weeks.  The lil Keiki are the size of apples!   That seems SO big to me... and my tummy reflects that observation.

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Just a few days left of the contest I copycatted.  I don't know if you guys are out of ideas or perhaps didn't make it to the bottom of the seemingly bottomless post, but if you'd like to participate, it's not too late!   I'll pick a winner this weekend.

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Thanks for letting me vent a bit... I know my "problems" are minuscule compared with what other people have going on in their lives.  But this space is the best place for me to get it out.  I promise to have a more entertaining post the next time you stop by to visit.