In the Woods

Today I woke up for my middle of the night pee to more spotting. I didn't freak out quite as badly as I did the first time I saw blood, since I knew that a tiny bit did not necessarily indicate a miscarriage and there is, after all, "debris" in my uterus that will likely come out. I tried to go back to sleep and finally, around 3am, I did for a few more hours.

When 6am rolled around, I hopped out of bed to get dressed and ready for my appointment with the perinatal center (the high risk pregnancy folks). It felt good knowing that we were going to get some answers today. Plus, getting the visual confirmation that the two little fellas in my tummy were still there would put my mind at ease after the jolt that seeing blood in the toilet gives me.

I was the first patient there and the staff was warm and friendly but still, I was anxious about what I was going to find out. After I filled out yet more paperwork, I was taken back to the ultrasound room.

The machine was definitely more clear than the one at my doctor's office. I could see them both, dancing in their little sacks of fluid, hearts racing. They're just in there, doing their thing, oblivious to the uncertainty that the big people in their lives are experiencing. They are still just right in their development ~ about 3 days apart in size. Their hearts were both beating at good, strong rates.

Except for the blood, everything looks perfect!

But the blood... it's all around them. The amniotic sacks are completely intact, perfect circles of protective fluid. The "debris" that my ob/gyn saw is blood. A lot of it. They aren't really able to tell me what is bleeding or why, but just that it's not abnormal for the hormones associated with an embryonic transfer to cause it.

It doesn't necessarily mean that everything won't be Ok. But it still might not be.

It might go away on its own... my body could absorb the blood and the pregnancy could continue normally. I will continue spotting and bleeding, in the mean time. And somehow, I'll have to get used to that.

If the bleeding doesn't stop, the babies are at risk for miscarriage. The blood will eventually irritate the uterus to the point that it starts contracting. If it happens, there will be nothing that can be done to stop it. I'm hopeful that if it does happen, it won't be until after they have cooked for a good long time ~ long enough that they can survive on their own.

So we aren't out of the woods, not just yet.

But it's out of my hands. My instructions were to let it go and to be healthy ~ eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired, refrain from intercourse (sorry, Honey!) and exercise (sorry, thighs!). Bed rest won't help or hurt. If they are meant to be, they'll stay in there and keep growing like they have been.

I don't know what our odds are ~ neither the ultrasound technician or the doctor wanted to tell me ~ presumably to not get anyone's hopes up artificially or cause unnecessary grief. I spoke with their mom today and she is being so strong and optimistic. These lil people have a lot of folks pulling for them... and all that positive energy floating around just for them... well, it can only help as far as I can tell.

My next appointment is in two weeks. I will keep you posted!

In the mean time, thank you for your continued support. It means a lot to me to have so many great people out there pulling for these lil treasures. And what amazing lil treasures they'll be, after they make it through all this drama, eh?