Cowboy Boots and all...

... Gavin started Pre-K today.  After being home for the past year with his Mamaw and in a home daycare (read: place to eat jello and watch Narnia all day) for the six months before that, Gavin went back to "school".  We had the choice to go back to the home daycare, which would have eliminated the need for Tyler to ride the bus and perhaps given Gavin *some* education as the owner of the day care has now started doing a curriculum.  It also would have likely been less expensive than the extra $85/week we must somehow come up with.  But he was adamant about going to his own school and we were pretty adamant about him having the same chance to go into Kindergarten, like Tyler, with a head start.  

So today was the big day.   He woke up this morning at 5:45am - not because he was excited (and no, that's not normal) - because he'd had an accident.  We had friends over last night and I wasn't paying attention as I usually do to his water consumption right before bed.  So we got extra snuggle time in bed this morning before it was time to get dressed.  I wish I'd taken the picture of him in his little polo shirt, matching shorts and of course the cowboy boots he loves so much.  He looked very handsome and grown up.  

Tyler doesn't go back to school until Thursday so Mamaw came to pick him up while Shawn & I went to drop Gavin off at school.  He got in the class I was hoping for - the sweet young teacher that is still in school herself, learning to be an elementary ed teacher - rather than the seemingly grumpy teacher that I have not seen crack one smile in the now 3 times I've been there.  Ms. Kim wasn't there when I picked him up so I wasn't able to ask how his day went from her point of view but the teacher that was there was quick to mention how quiet he was when I walked in the door and saw my baby sitting alone at a table finishing up his snack... while the other kids were having "circle time" on the carpet across the room.  

My heart broke for him a little bit and his alone-ness, though he did not seem the least bit disturbed by it.  He also wasn't completely overjoyed to see me, which I took as a good thing - I wouldn't have wanted to come back to a "get me out of here, Mom!".  He said how much he loved his new school and how he can't wait to go back tomorrow.  He spoke of a neighbor, who was in his class and had on a "cool" Transformer's T-shirt, that he played with today.  But he told Shawn that he didn't talk to anyone all day.  

I hate the thought of him being the quiet observer - not coming out of his shell and letting his playmates and teacher see the Gavin we see every day.  He is so much like his father in that way - only the people he chooses to let in really get to know him and benefit from their relationship with him.  To everyone he is a mystery... So much the opposite of myself.  I need to find a way to reconcile in my head that while Tyler seems to have inherited my personality, if that is possible, Gavin did not.  He is unique and sweet... quiet and stand-offish...smart and quick witted just like his daddy.  I feel total love and admiration when I look at him, this little person I helped make, and fear when I think of his future.  Will he have a hard time in school like his daddy did?  Will the kids make fun of what they don't understand?  Will he too, have one or two really close friends - not enough to go back to a reunion for... but enough to have great memories of school?  Only time will tell I suppose... Somehow I have to learn to trust my baby - that he will find his own path, even though it's drastically different from the one I and his brother before him have chosen.  

Someday those other kids will see that it's indeed cool to wear cowboy boots with shorts.