The Great Mom Debate

One thing you should probably know about me (if you don't already) right off the bat, so you can draw any conclusions about it now - I watch Oprah. And I read her magazine. I find her shows entertaining, thought provoking and interesting. They sometimes give me good things to think (and later blog) about and they sometimes satisfy my celebrity fix.

That being said, yesterday's show got me thinking. They started out the show with a question for moms - can you really have it all? I would guess about half the audience said yes and half said no. They were debating the Working Mom vs Stay at Home Mom. First of all, it's so interesting to me that it's a debate. Because just like a lot of things - religion, politics, how you dress, where you live, etc - what's right for you might not be right for someone else. Regardless, it does seem to drudge up some pretty emotional feelings.

I, personally, think I have found the perfect solution! I work part time. Four six hour days per week.

That isn't how I set out in life though... My mom stayed home with me and devoted her life to me and my siblings. We did fun things all the time. She was there for us and in my opinion was able to raise us "right". I always thought I'd be that same mom for my kids. In fact, I was so set on the fact that I was going to be a wife and mom and that was going to be my career that when Nursing School got too tough, it was easy for me to drop out with the knowledge that I already knew what I wanted to be and it would be silly for me to waste my parents' money on a degree I wasn't going to use.

For me, however, being a stay at home mom was not the best option, at least not permanently. I feel like I did spend a lot of really good quality time with Tyler. We spent 95% of our time together from the time he was born until he was 22 months, when Gavin came along. I spent my days loving him, teaching him, admiring him and learning from him. I did the fun things with him that my mom had done with me. And for the most part I loved every minute of it! I was busy and it was often hard, but it was great for me. Then Gavin came along and it was just the three of us while Shawn was trying to find a job (Gavin came in between the Army and Colorado) and then later working. I was starting, by this time, to miss the interaction I'd had with my friends Beth and Erica in MD, where we moved from before Gavin was born... so when we got to Colorado I quickly sought out and was lucky enough to find the best mom's group ever. They did fun things as a group with their kids, like go to parks and museums, have playgroups at each other's homes and also mom's nights out (and sometimes in). It was the best thing that could have happened to us to help us learn about Colorado and ease the loneliness of being a family of a shift worker.

For awhile I was feeling really happy and fulfilled with being home with my kids. I feel like I really had the opportunity to get to know them and spend time with them and shape them. They weren't being raised by a stranger or a day care, which was something I'd always told myself I could never do.

After awhile, however, our financial situation changed a bit. We felt like we needed me to have an income also to keep us afloat. I jumped at the opportunity to find a job because I was starting to see my mama's less and less and missing that interaction with the outside world quite a bit. So I started looking on Craigslist for a job. I had one interview, with my boss Robin. It was a part time receptionist job for a new Allstate insurance agency. It was right up my alley because I'd done some clerical work in the past and felt like I could be the best little office worker ever! I really feel like working for Robin has given me the opportunity to have the best of both worlds... I love my job - my interaction with my clients, the opportunity to make their day a little happier after they've talked to me than before they called, the opportunity to meet new people, and also to contribute (a little) financially to my family. My boss is a fantastic person to work for - she is extremely flexible with me... from letting me take a 2 month maternity leave after having the twins, to letting me cut down my hours over the summer to spend more time with my kids before Tyler started kindergarten.

At this point, I probably could find ways to sacrifice and change our budget so I wouldn't have to work if I didn't want to... But I think for our family, this is the best. I'm not completely dependent on my kids for my identity. But at the same time, since I have a 3 day weekend every weekend and am home by 4pm each day, I still feel like I have the opportunity to know and spend time with my kids as well. I don't think I'd be a happy person if I were home full time, because I'd miss the grown-up interaction and the sense of accomplishment that my job provides me. At the same time, I don't think working a full 40 hour week would make me happy either because I'd miss too much with my family - and would likely have more stress too!

I consider myself one lucky mom!